and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
