your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
birth control should be required to get into college
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
