i was rollin on her like bob the builder
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
