i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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