i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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