I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
