brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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