and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
