He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's just like the Real World with babies
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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