Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
