dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
