we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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