Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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