She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
