So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
