i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
