Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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