Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
