i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
