1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
