You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
