My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
