Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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