i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize