maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
