I just saw a hot homeless man
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
