stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
