just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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