i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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