chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
