but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
