My nipple is on Facebook.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize