I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
no you cant smoke seaweed
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
