U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
