Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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