so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
