his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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