4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize