dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
