I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
