I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
