That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
