u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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