I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
