I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
