i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
