My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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