I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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