I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
