i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
