wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
