no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
