he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize