then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
