my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
