if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
