I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
