Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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