another moral hangover. fuck.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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