U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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