Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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