I bet he comes in French.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
