don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
