yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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