I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
