love makes seman taste better
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
