she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize