i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
