I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
