Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
