What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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