I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize