1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
