Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Randomize
