the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize