forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
