i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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