I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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