Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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