the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
