I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Terrible idea I love it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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