Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
