I was the one passing out cake at the bars
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
