dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
