Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
