Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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