I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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