I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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