Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
